WINK AT ME

(enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(background:#ece5d1)) WINK AT ME <style> img { max-width:100%; height:auto; } </style> <img src="https://winkatme.neocities.org/TRANS%20AMULET.gif" width="250" height="250" alt="rotating trans amulet"> <img src="https://winkatme.neocities.org/GAY%20LOVE%20AMULET.gif" width="250" height="250" alt="rotating gay love amulet"> <img src="https://winkatme.neocities.org/TIME%20TRAVEL%20AMULET.gif" width="250" height="250" alt="rotating time travel amulet"> (text-colour:purple)[[[wink|KETER / crown]]] i (text-colour:#af8ae3)[[[1|KETER / crown]] [[2|HOKHMAH / wisdom]] [[3|BINAH / understanding]] [[4|gematric kabbalah]] [[5|CHESED / lovingkindness]] [[6|DIN / justice]] [[7|TIFERET / beauty]] [[8|NETZACH / eternity]] [[9|HOD / glory]] [[10|YESOD / foundation]] [[11|SHEKHINA / dwelling]] [[ii|AMULET 1 - TRANS]] [[iii|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]] [[iv|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]] [[v|FIN.]] [[vi]] ]

(enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(background:white)) (align:"==>")+(box:"==XXXXX===")[ברוך אתה אדני אלהינו מלך העולם אשר קדשנו במצותיו וצונו על ספירת העמר] BARUCH ATAH ADONAI ELOHEINU MELECH HA'OLAM ASHER KIDESHANU B'MITZVOTAV V'TZIVANU AL SEFIRAT HA'OMER BLESSED ARE YOU, ADONAI OUR GOD, SOVEREIGN OF THE UNIVERSE WHO HAS SANCTIFIED US WITH YOUR COMMANDMENTS AND COMMANDED US TO COUNT THE OMER to be how i made you; making me we're constantly giving birth to each other in editions and bus routes and god winks at me WINK AT ME lucky numbers keep following me. first it was in zines, N's opening night where C, C and i each got a copy of the exhibition zine, coincedentally editioned with our lucky numbers. then when i mailed out an edition of 50 zines, A got his lucky number too. i was sitting on the floor of W's apartment in new york, fresh tattoo on my arm, telling her about this, when she told me to check the zines she'd given me earlier that night. my lucky number was there too. it's not lost on me that each time this happens, it's during an exchange with a talented friend; almost always a best friend. it feels like god winking at us, connecting us, telling us, //you're on the right track.// and it keeps happening. god experiences time all at once, every occurrance of each number all at once am i trying to decode patterns god already understands? carving out time (text-colour:white)+(background:black)[כתר / KETER / crown divine will to create crown the hoary head the hairs of the beard the point of the tip of the letter yud in the tetragrammaton (text-colour:#8da8da)[[[ehveh|HOKHMAH / wisdom]]] (a form of 'i shall be') no colour primordial ether nothingness the long suffering one supernal east the origin of will the (text-colour:#7ea134)[[[dew|BINAH / understanding]]] of hermon ] (text-colour:black)[[[i|start]]] (text-colour:grey)[1] (text-colour:black)[[[2|HOKHMAH / wisdom]] [[3|BINAH / understanding]] [[4|gematric kabbalah]] [[5|CHESED / lovingkindness]] [[6|DIN / justice]] [[7|TIFERET / beauty]] [[8|NETZACH / eternity]] [[9|HOD / glory]] [[10|YESOD / foundation]] [[11|SHEKHINA / dwelling]] [[ii|AMULET 1 - TRANS]] [[iii|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]] [[iv|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]] [[v|FIN.]] [[vi]] ]

(enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(background:(gradient: 194, 0,#e5e619,1,(hsl:120,0.8039,0.5,0.45)))) on the second day of pesach, we begin counting the omer. 49 days, 7 weeks. leaving the narrowness and constriction of mitzrayim, we spend 40 years in the desert, learning how to be free. we count 49 days to the grain harvest, to recieving the torah at sinai, to shavuot, to cheesecake (to lactase pills). numbers are very important to god; god wants us to keep count. god rests on the seventh day and so do we. or, i would, if i didn't have work. in theory i rest on shabbat. my shabbat is usually wednesday. but we take the counting of things seriously. each hebrew letter has a value -- it's called gematria, גמטריא, an alphanumerical code of sorts. letters add up to words add up to sentences. we can uncover hidden meanings in torah this way. we eat dairy on shavuot; the gematria of the hebrew word for milk, חלב, is 40. 40 years in the desert, 40 days and nights moshe spent on mount sinai before bringing down the torah. at sinai, god told moshe to carve the twelve names of israel onto the stones (some say onyx, others lazuli). the stones absorb the strength of the sefirot, emanations of god, and draw themselves to all types of emanation and blessing.^^[[7|citations]]^^ each week of the omer, we meditate on one of seven earthly sefirot.^^[[8|citations]]^^ there is also a sefirah associated with each day of the week, so each day of the omer is associated with both a daily and weekly attribute. in addition to this, each sefirah has a complex gender and sexual identity, which shifts through its relations to the other sefirot.^^[[9|citations]]^^ on each day of the omer we can contemplate a different partnership of sefirot, making each other anew. (background:#6d9916)[בינה / BINAH / understanding infinite flash feminine birth to emotions/reason/understanding brings teshuvah forehead matriach leah elohim letter heh supernal mother, supernal shekhinah palace, building womb teshuvah a river brancing out into (text-colour:yellow)[[[7|gematric kabbalah]]] streams the alphabet] (text-colour:#bdc918)[[[i|start]] [[1|KETER / crown]] [[2|HOKHMAH / wisdom]]] 3 (text-colour:#bdc918)[[[4|gematric kabbalah]] [[5|CHESED / lovingkindness]] [[6|DIN / justice]] [[7|TIFERET / beauty]] [[8|NETZACH / eternity]] [[9|HOD / glory]] [[10|YESOD / foundation]] [[11|SHEKHINA / dwelling]] [[ii|AMULET 1 - TRANS]] [[iii|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]] [[iv|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]] [[v|FIN.]] [[vi]] ]

(enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(background:(gradient: 0, 0,(hsl:240,0.8039,0.5,0.45),1,#ffffff))) on the second day of pesach, we begin counting the omer. 49 days, 7 weeks. leaving the narrowness and constriction of mitzrayim, we spend 40 years in the desert, learning how to be free. we count 49 days to the grain harvest, to recieving the torah at sinai, to shavuot, to cheesecake (to lactase pills). numbers are very important to god; god wants us to keep count. god rests on the seventh day and so do we. or, i would, if i didn't have work. in theory i rest on shabbat. my shabbat is usually wednesday. some take counting pretty seriously. each hebrew letter has a value -- it's called gematria, גמטריא, an alphanumerical code of sorts. letters add up to words add up to sentences. we can uncover hidden meanings in torah this way. god's 72-fold hidden name, the shem hamephorash, שם המפורש, is derived from reading exodus 14:19-21 boustrophedonically.^^[[1|citations]]^^ some say moshe used the shem hamephorash to part the red sea; that it could grant the [[power|gematric kabbalah]] to cast out demons, heal the sick, prevent natural disasters, kill enemies.^^[[2|citations]]^^ before god formed the world, god was nameless, endless, the ein sof. god's first act of creation was tzimtzum -- god contracted, withdrew, created an empty space in which the universe could expand.^^[[3|citations]]^^ in the zohar 11:51b, it's said that exodus 14:19-21 refers to three of the sefirot, which emanate from the ein sof. sefirot are the channels through which god reveals god's will.^^[[4|citations]]^^ on each week of the omer, we meditate on one of seven earthly sefirot.^^[[5|citations]]^^ there is also a sefirah associated with each day of the week, so each day of the omer is associated with both a daily and weekly attribute. in addition to this, each sefirah has a complex gender and sexual identity, which shifts through its relations to the other sefirot.^^[[6|citations]]^^ on each day of the omer we can contemplate a different partnership of sefirot, making each other anew. (text-colour:black)+(background:(hsl:0,0,1,0.8))[חכמה / HOKHMAH / wisdom right brain king solomon yah the yud in the tetragrammaton the primordial point yesh beginning eden the origin of thought seed fountail will depth ] [[i|start]] [[1|KETER / crown]] 2 [[3|BINAH / understanding]] [[4|gematric kabbalah]] [[5|CHESED / lovingkindness]] [[6|DIN / justice]] [[7|TIFERET / beauty]] [[8|NETZACH / eternity]] [[9|HOD / glory]] [[10|YESOD / foundation]] [[11|SHEKHINA / dwelling]] [[ii|AMULET 1 - TRANS]] [[iii|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]] [[iv|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]] [[v|FIN.]] [[vi]]

the way (redacted) tells this story, he was just walking down the street when he found this tattered old mangy (redacted). i like to think it was twilight. what i do know is true is that this (redacted) could facilitate the answering of pre-set questions, using gematria. being learned enough to use it, and stupid enough to ask, (redacted) consulted the (redacted) on the question, "when will my (redacted) die?" the answer he got was way too young. //bullshit, (redacted)'s not going to die at 68// - he put the (redacted) aside and forgot about it, until his (redacted) died at 68. no wonder he found it on the street. someone probably got an answer they didn't like, threw it away. (redacted) held onto it though. it's in my house now. i have this stupid idea that i too could consult it, reveal some divine affirmation of my transness. i feel the (redacted) through the walls sometimes, lying in bed at night. this is all hypothetical, of course -- i can't (redacted), and (redacted), the one person i know who can, is also the one person in my life who doesn't see me as i am. //the (redacted) could (text-colour:#eb581f)[[[prove it|DIN / justice]]] to him//, i think, (text-colour:cyan)[[[drifting off . . .|CHESED / lovingkindness]]] (text-colour:grey)[[[i|start]] [[1|KETER / crown]] [[2|HOKHMAH / wisdom]] [[3|BINAH / understanding]]] 4 (text-colour:grey)[[[5|CHESED / lovingkindness]] [[6|DIN / justice]] [[7|TIFERET / beauty]] [[8|NETZACH / eternity]] [[9|HOD / glory]] [[10|YESOD / foundation]] [[11|SHEKHINA / dwelling]] [[ii|AMULET 1 - TRANS]] [[iii|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]] [[iv|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]] [[v|FIN.]] [[vi]] ]

(enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(background:(gradient: 194, 0,(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.5),1,(hsl:60,0.8039,0.5,0.85)))) i had a dream that when balaam's donkey opened her mouth the alphabet spilled out anew^^[[16|citations]]^^ truth wasn't written on her face with the dignity of being known^^[[17|citations]]^^ she shattered balaam's command in the morning, i say a brachah for the one who spoke the world into being. some say you make a golem by walking or dancing around the formed clay, speaking combinations of letters and a secret name of god. others say, you carve aleph-mem-taph, truth, on the golem's forehead. golems are a literal manifestation of our desire to speak truth to power. brand-new to the world, they know two things: how to pray and how to kill. ^^[[18|citations]]^^ ... DREAM DIARY yad - hand - 14 carved out of time wax fingertips burning, variation of the blessing great fire, (text-colour:#bfb919)[[[consuming|TIFERET / beauty]]] fire miracles done in those days and at this time ... the night before the sydney gay and lesbian mardi gras announced they were cancelling the annual street parade, i dreamt it would happen. weeks later, while i drove home from another grueling shabbat shift, my friends marched down oxford street anyway, dancing in front of the new south wales police, praying for another world with their feet. one day, i won't have to work on shabbat. for now, each saturday, i drive past the electric road sign that flashes DELAYS FROM 2PM / TOWN HALL PROTEST and say a blessing. (background:#823012)[דין / DIN / justice left arm isaac elohim red the heavenly court north fear (of isaac; genesis 31:53) burning fire severe attribute of justice gold bread, salt, wine, meat serpent (text-colour:#bfb919)[[[darkness|HOD / glory]]] , night, cloud, mist the bronze altar ] (text-colour:#813012)[[[i|start]] [[1|KETER / crown]] [[2|HOKHMAH / wisdom]] [[3|BINAH / understanding]] [[4|gematric kabbalah]] [[5|CHESED / lovingkindness]]] 6 (text-colour:#813012)[[[7|TIFERET / beauty]] [[8|NETZACH / eternity]] [[9|HOD / glory]] [[10|YESOD / foundation]] [[11|SHEKHINA / dwelling]] [[ii|AMULET 1 - TRANS]] [[iii|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]] [[iv|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]] [[v|FIN.]] [[vi]] ]

(enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(background:#8de6e5)) i had a dream that the tongs that made the tongs pulled you out of the well in the desert, soaked in time and shivering. i ask how long you'd been down there, you say since the flood. there's so much more i want to ask you but i'm pulled out of the dream too soon, gusts of torrential rain pounding at my windows. i feel it in the walls, the whole house thrums with it. too late, a severe weather warning pops up on my phone. the entire street is already underwater. the fifth chapter of pirkei avot lists ten sayings, generations, trials, miracles. then, ten things that were created on the eve of the sixth day, at twilight: the mouth of the earth (that swallowed qorah), the mouth of the well (in the desert), the mouth of (balaam's) donkey, the rainbow, the manna, the staff (of aharon), the shamir, the letters, the writing, and the tablets. some say: also the spirits (mazziqin), the grave of moshe, and the ram of avraham. some say: also the tongs that made the tongs.^^[[10|citations]]^^ when the sun set on the sixth day, and the colours of the day turned, the world became set, eternal. in an utterly humanising moment, god scrambles at the last twilight, putting in place everything we need to survive. the rambam says this also means that all the miracles that have been done were pre-determined at creation, and there won't be any more.^^[[11|citations]]^^ the first pair of tongs have been made; all we need is here already. noah's flood lasts 40 days and 40 nights; alluding to a mikveh, which can only purify when it contains a minimum of 40 se'ah of water.^^[[12|citations]]^^ the great flood is god essentially dunking the world in a mikveh. as a child, i had recurring nightmares in which i was drowning. outside of my body, i'd watch myself drift peacefully down to the ocean floor. for years i refused to learn how to swim, instead opting to wear babies' swimming aids that were far too small for me. i nearly drowned this way once, wearing a baby float you step into like a pair of underwear. i jumped, landed in the water upside down, my head stuck underwater. the ten, twenty frantic seconds it took to extract my legs from the float might as well have been minutes. when i went crying to my parents, nobody had even noticed. bit literal, no? i come across an amuletic text from the cairo genizah, written in the late 12th century. the spell invokes a 42-letter name of god, inflaming the heart of hodayah bar shlomo for another man, yehudah bar yoshiyah. borrowing from song of songs, the amulet speaks of a love that cannot be extinguished by great waters, nor washed away by rivers.^^[[13|citations]]^^ is that how you survived down in the well, all those years? rena yehuda sends me their zines on transfag shame and i sit with them for a week. a comic panel they drew of themself swimming deep in the ocean, wearing an oxygen tank, reminds me of how the ocean appeared in my childhood nightmares. //'i am learning how to swim, and how to refuse shame / rejections i understood only later, asking me to fear my capacity for love, which is to say, for breath.'^^[[14|citations]]^^// i swim in the ocean pool by chaya's house, dunking my head three times and saying the blessings. the first immersion is for the past, the second for the present, the third for the future.^^[[15|citations]]^^ in my ocean mikveh, i soak up your time in the desert well. all we need to survive is here already, [[waiting|TIFERET / beauty]] (text-colour:cyan)+(background:navy)[חסד / CHESED / lovingkindness generosity, benevolance right arm yad - hand - 14 72 bridges of chesed abraham el el elyon colour white (text-colour:white)[[[upper waters|NETZACH / eternity]]] lion] [[i|start]] [[1|KETER / crown]] [[2|HOKHMAH / wisdom]] [[3|BINAH / understanding]] [[4|gematric kabbalah]] 5 [[6|DIN / justice]] [[7|TIFERET / beauty]] [[8|NETZACH / eternity]] [[9|HOD / glory]] [[10|YESOD / foundation]] [[11|SHEKHINA / dwelling]] [[ii|AMULET 1 - TRANS]] [[iii|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]] [[iv|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]] [[v|FIN.]] [[vi]]

a blessing for time travel, a blessing for remembering the future the mishnah advises that a person who is troubled by a dream should reflect on it when the kohanim recite their blessing.^^[[26|citations]]^^ this derives from song of songs 3:7–8, telling of 60 armed guards surrounding solomon's bedchamber to protect him from 'night terrors'; the 60 letters in the birkat kohanim similarly defend against night terrors.^^[[27|citations]]^^ extending their palms out to us, the kohen becomes a vessel into which god pours a blessing. rashi explains the shekhina rests on the kohen especially at this time, on their hands, fingers, directly over their knuckles.^^[[28|citations]]^^ יד - yad - hand - 14 extending our palms out in the form, rena yehuda explains to us over zoom that the first fourteen words of the birkat kohanim, the priestly blessing, correspond to the fourteen joints in the hand. the gematria of the word hand, yad, is also fourteen. the final word of the blessing, shalom, corresponds to the palm of the hand. without the palm, the hand is unable to hold anything; peace is essential for recieving the blessing. it may also be said before a long journey. the earliest known artefact written in paleo-hebrew is a silver scroll with the birkat kohanim engraved on it. it's been argued that the instruction to 'put god's name on the israelites'^^[[29|citations]]^^ reflects a practice of physically wearing god's name and blessing on amulets for protective purposes.^^[[30|citations]]^^ at sinai, god also told moshe to make a breastplate of decision; of gold, of blue, purple, and crimson yarns, and of fine twisted linen. with mounted stones set in gold framings, each stone was to be engraved like seals, each with its name, for the twelve tribes.^^[[31|citations]]^^ some say the twelve stones were engraved by the shamir, a small, rare creature who could cut through the toughest surfaces. the breastplate could be used to invoke divine direction. standing in front of the ark in the temple, the kohen gadol would look down on the breastplate on their chest while another individual standing behind them asked their question, quietly. light would shine out of the engraved letters, which when rearranged would form the answer. this practice ceased with the destruction of the first temple.^^[[32|citations]]^^ (text-colour:black)+(background:#cd93a7)[הוד / HOD / glory lower channel thru which god's judgement comes down to the world associated with power of prophecy !!!!! left leg aaron elohim zeva'ot (god of hosts) the left (text-colour:#bd2a62)[[[pillar|YESOD / foundation]]] in the temple (1 kings 7:21)] (text-colour:#ffb8d4)[[[i|start]] [[1|KETER / crown]] [[2|HOKHMAH / wisdom]] [[3|BINAH / understanding]] [[4|gematric kabbalah]] [[5|CHESED / lovingkindness]] [[6|DIN / justice]] [[7|TIFERET / beauty]] [[8|NETZACH / eternity]]] 9 (text-colour:#ffb8d4)[[[10|YESOD / foundation]] [[11|SHEKHINA / dwelling]] [[ii|AMULET 1 - TRANS]] [[iii|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]] [[iv|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]] [[v|FIN.]] [[vi]]] (enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(background:(gradient: 0, 0,#b05776,1,#b05776,1,#ffffff)))

(enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(background:(gradient: 194, 0,(hsl:60,0.8039,0.5,0.5),1,(hsl:270,0.8039,0.5,0.75)))) i thought about trying to meet you, but figured you’d just call me a fag and go. i almost asked (redacted) how to speak with the dead, but there are some questions i don't want answered. i settled on trying to talk to lou in my sleep, which is kosher, i checked.^^[[19|citations]]^^ INCOMING TRANSMISSION . . . //'in my search for the perfect male companion, i find myself'^^[[20|citations]]^^// lech ( lecha / tizdayen ) - go ( find yourself / fuck yourself ) in search for the perfect male companion, go ( find / fuck ) yourself go forth, make the meaning you're (text-colour:#b6ac3c)[[[searching|YESOD / foundation]]] for . . . END TRANSMISSION julian k. jarboe writes: (align:"<==")+(box:"===XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX===========================")[//God blessed me by making me transsexual for the same reason he made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine: because he wants humanity to share in the act of creation. I am only doing the Good Works here on Earth as intended!// 🌐🍞🍷💉💊^^[[21|citations]]^^ //To be how you made me, to become how God made me, through you I can make myself. You and I: we are already only whole, and shifting towards the divine.//^^[[22|citations]]^^] what does it mean to be made in god's image when god doesn't have a body? we're always giving birth to one another take care of yourself for me (background:(gradient: 0, 0,#716a28,1,#683e6e))[תפארת / TIFERET / beauty glory balance of justice and mercy spine, torso tetragrammaton the letter vav green, purple. rahamim, (text-colour:#b2a83a)[[[truth|HOD / glory]]] , judgement, humility, heaven, the sun, daytime harmony king often symbolised as bridgegroom striving to unite with the shekhinah. their union produces the human soul the tree of life anokhi the written torah the (text-colour:#b16db2)[[[impatient|NETZACH / eternity]]] one milk and honey the menorah the golden altar] [[i|start]] [[1|KETER / crown]] [[2|HOKHMAH / wisdom]] [[3|BINAH / understanding]] [[4|gematric kabbalah]] [[5|CHESED / lovingkindness]] [[6|DIN / justice]] 7 [[8|NETZACH / eternity]] [[9|HOD / glory]] [[10|YESOD / foundation]] [[11|SHEKHINA / dwelling]] [[ii|AMULET 1 - TRANS]] [[iii|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]] [[iv|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]] [[v|FIN.]] [[vi]]

(enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(background:(hsl:305,1,0.9078,0.45))) when we read torah, it’s like a play happening right in front of us; there are only complete and incomplete actions in biblical hebrew. while this incomplete, imperfect tense is often translated into present or future tense, it can also refer to incomplete actions in the past.^^[[23|citations]]^^ the incomplete tense looks to the past and future simultaneously. our pasts are bound up in our futures; we can’t talk about one without the other. god experiences time all at once. to me, sensing god is about experiencing time in ways that are not linear. performing ritual is one way of doing this. heschel calls shabbat a 'palace in time';^^[[24|citations]]^^ in class, norma says that when she lights shabbat candles, she's travelling through time repeating the movements of our ancestors, we sense the movement, surface, texture of our descendents repeating us too. time looks like ~~pulling~~ stretching out a coil. ritual ripples through the years stacked on years, forming peaks, potholes, palaces in time. this texture affords for slippage. ritual takes many forms. creating ritual objects; writing torah, klafs, blessings, and amuletic texts are also rituals in themselves. who wrote yehuda bar yoshiyah's love spell? the man himself or a trusted sofer? before writing any of god's divine names or titles, the sofer prepares to mentally sanctify them. once the sofer begins a name, they do not stop writing until it is finished, and they must not be interrupted while writing it, even to greet a king.^^[[25|citations]]^^ repeating the movements of yehuda bar yoshiah, engraving his 700-year old love for hodayah bar shlomo on silver sheet, my hands slip in time. (background:(gradient: 0, 0.0096,#bab3ff,1,#feddfc))[נצח / NETZACH / eternity eternity, endurance, victory, god's active grace in the world right leg moshe the right (text-colour:#ffebff)[[[pillar|YESOD / foundation]]] in the temple] [[i|start]] [[1|KETER / crown]] [[2|HOKHMAH / wisdom]] [[3|BINAH / understanding]] [[4|gematric kabbalah]] [[5|CHESED / lovingkindness]] [[6|DIN / justice]] [[7|TIFERET / beauty]] 8 [[9|HOD / glory]] [[10|YESOD / foundation]] [[11|SHEKHINA / dwelling]] [[ii|AMULET 1 - TRANS]] [[iii|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]] [[iv|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]] [[v|FIN.]] [[vi]]

(enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(background:(hsl:29,0.7778,0.3,0.7))) a couple years ago, (redacted) had a dream there were maggots inside the mezuzah on the front door eating through the shema. he checked the next morning and yes, less like a wink and more like a yell god communicates with us in whatever ways we can understand, on our own terms when we talk about god we talk about ourselves, superstition is a form of memory too the coen brothers got it, basically. a dentist named sussman finds the word הושיעני, //save me//, engraved in a goyishe patient's teeth, and absolutely loses his mind. he can't eat, he can't sleep, he becomes obsessive, checks all his patients' teeth for messages. he even tries using gematria to find meaning in it. i relate to sussman, and this scene really taps into my specific neuroses... but i can't help but think it's stupid that he doesn't just ask his patient why their teeth are engraved with a cry for help. <style> img { max-width:100%; height:auto; } </style> <img src="https://winkatme.neocities.org/Screen%20Shot%202021-05-06%20at%207.04.25%20pm.png" max-width="820" height="480" alt="הושיעני engraved in the goy's teeth" > <img src="https://winkatme.neocities.org/Screen%20Shot%202021-05-06%20at%207.05.15%20pm.png" max-width="820" height="480" alt="sussman using gematria">^^[[33|citations]]^^ recounting the tale to the protagonist, who is trying to deciper messages from god too, sussman's rabbi suggests that these //questions// that he has, maybe they're like a toothache... you feel it for a while, then it goes away. (align:"<==")+(box:"===XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX===========================")[//i don't want it to go away, i want answers!//] (align:"==>")+(box:"======XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX=========")[//hashem doesn't owe us the answers. hashem doesn't owe us anything. the obligation,,, runs the other way.//] (align:"<==")+(box:"===XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX===========================")[//why does he make us feel the questions, if he's not going to give us the answers?//] (align:"==>")+(box:"======XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX=========")[//he hasn't told me.^^[[34|citations]]^^//] the narrowness and constriction of late capitalism, climate crisis, // unprecedented times//, the precedented injustices we're forced to bear, can drive us to look to our foundations for patterns, hidden meanings and insights. and who can blame us, when it feels we have such little control over our futures? we're all just making sense of the world as best we can, with the tools we craft and the ways of knowing we inherit. yesod - sense of self, basic interpersonal attachment / bonding the spirits (mazziqin) (align:"<==")+(box:"=XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX====")[//Also achlamah (amethyst) is to be identified with the dream stone. This is a stone that always induces dreams in the person who wears it. One should not be surprised at this, as every stone has a specific power placed in it by nature. Thus there is a stone that attracts iron. There is likewise a stone that stops bleeding. Another stone is repelled by vinegar. There is also a stone whose pieces always form a triangle when broken.//^^[[35|citations]]^^] (redacted) tells me to stop making hamsas, because they're not jewish. in a daydream i tell him to get fucked sophie says to me, (align:"<==")+(box:"=XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX====")[//I also think there’s something even… politicised about the act of looking back toward amulets and talismans as legitimately valued objects or parts of Jewish visual culture. Of course, European Jews made amulets too, but I think metallic ones— like the silver you use in your work— were more commonly found in Middle-Eastern communities. And there’s always been this stereotypical accusation that our traditions are “superstitious,” or less legitimate in their understanding of spirituality, as opposed to Ashkenazi ways of life.//] (align:"==>")+(box:"=XXXXXXXX=")[//'Which is hilarious,'// i say. //'Have you met Ashkenazim? Like, hello? We’re all superstitious.'// ^^[[36|citations]]^^] (text-colour:black)+(background:(hsl:38,0.7944,0.7902,0.7))[יסוד / YESOD / foundation, connection channel thru which tiferet strives to unite with (text-colour:navy)[[[skekhina|SHEKHINA / dwelling]]]. to pass on creative and benevolent divine forces symbolised as the phallus, santified thru covenant joseph el hay, elohim hayyim (living god, eternal life) el shaddai adon the point at the bottom tip of the vav in the tetragrammaton tree of life source of mayim chayim the righteous one good, peace covenant, rainbow sign mitzvah zachor oath] (text-colour:#ffd59f)[[[i|start]] [[1|KETER / crown]] [[2|HOKHMAH / wisdom]] [[3|BINAH / understanding]] [[4|gematric kabbalah]] [[5|CHESED / lovingkindness]] [[6|DIN / justice]] [[7|TIFERET / beauty]] [[8|NETZACH / eternity]] [[9|HOD / glory]]] 10 (text-colour:#ffd59f)[[[11|SHEKHINA / dwelling]] [[ii|AMULET 1 - TRANS]] [[iii|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]] [[iv|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]] [[v|FIN.]] [[vi]]]

(enchant:?page,(background:(gradient: 0, 0,#ffffff,0.0013,#1415bf,1,#1213af))) the mouth of the well, manna, when i make amulets, i'm travelling through time. god experiences time all at once. i feel what's true: i am here, goosebumps, nose divine dwelling shekhina without organs; embodied, repressed, uncontrollable sense of divine dwelling which flows with unorganised consistency scratching blessings onto shards of bright sterling, i feel the shekhina breathe in my face. i feel the shekhina in the silver dust that invariably gathers in the back of my throat, even though i wear a respirator. when i hack up glinting spit, the shekhina is there too. i hang stone beads from the amulets; when i put one on, the stones collide. i say the brachot and they (text-colour:#ff00e0)[[[jolt|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]]] in my stomach. the letters catch the light, winking back at you. (background:#4e47e5)[שכינה / SHEKHINA / dwelling shares in our exile mouth wiping a clean slate on yom kippur king david matriarch rachel adonai last hey in the tetragrammaton elohim blue, black pool, sea, wellspring, gathering of (text-colour:#fc5eec)[[[waters|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]]] earth, dry land, bedrock (when deprived of chesed) the moon queen bride daughter/princess royal house of david matron erotic & romantic, song of songs temple mirror rose throne of glory gan eden tree of knowledge blessing freedom shabbat eagle the end of thought (text-colour:#ff83fd)[[[all|AMULET 1 - TRANS]]]] (text-colour:#ff00e0)[[[i|start]] [[1|KETER / crown]] [[2|HOKHMAH / wisdom]] [[3|BINAH / understanding]] [[4|gematric kabbalah]] [[5|CHESED / lovingkindness]] [[6|DIN / justice]] [[7|TIFERET / beauty]] [[8|NETZACH / eternity]] [[9|HOD / glory]] [[10|YESOD / foundation]]] 11 (text-colour:#ff00e0)[[[ii|AMULET 1 - TRANS]] [[iii|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]] [[iv|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]] [[v|FIN.]] [[vi]] ]

(enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(background:#ece5d1)) This work was developed across the unceded Gadigal and Darug lands of the Eora Nation. As I expand my knowledge of, and connections to my own cultures and histories, I pay respect to the knowledge embedded forever within Aboriginal custodianship of Country. Always was, always will be. thank yous: Janey and June, for guiding me through this Chaya and Shelly, for putting up with me during Rena Yehuda, and Joy, for pulling me out of the well Erin, for generously sharing space, tools and expertise Naomi and Jordan, for levelling with me and Sophie, who gets it.

(enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(background:#ece5d1)) 1, 2. Wisnefsky, Moshe Yakov. "72 'Names' Of G-D". Chabad.Org. Accessed 6 May 2021. https://www.chabad.org/kabbalah/article_cdo/aid/1388270/jewish/72-Names-of-G-d.htm. 3. Dubov, Nissan Dovid. "Tzimtzum". Chabad.Org. Accessed 7 May 2021. https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/361884/jewish/Tzimtzum.htm. 4. "Zohar 1:52B". Sefaria.Org, 2021. https://www.sefaria.org/Zohar.1.52b?lang=bi. 5, 8. Segal, Eliezer. "The Ten Sefirot Of The Kabbalah". Jewishvirtuallibrary.Org. Accessed 6 May 2021. https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/the-ten-sefirot-of-the-kabbalah. 6, 9. Litman, Rabbi Jane Rachel. "Counting My Genders: A Neo-Kabbalistic View Of The Omer". Keshet, 2008. https://www.keshetonline.org/resources/counting-my-genders-a-neo-kabbalistic-view-of-the-omer-counting-the-omer/. 7. "Shaarei Orah, First Gate, Tenth Sefirah 10". Sefaria.Org. Accessed 6 May 2021. https://www.sefaria.org/Shaarei_Orah%2C_First_Gate%2C_Tenth_Sefirah.10?lang=bi. 10. "Pirkei Avot 5:8". Sefaria.Org. Accessed 6 May 2021. https://www.sefaria.org/Pirkei_Avot.5.8?lang=bi. 11. Infeld, Daniel. "Ten Things Created At Twilight – And The World Without Miracles". Limmud NY. Accessed 6 May 2021. https://limmudny.org/ten-things-created-twilight-world-without-miracles/. 12. Lieter, Shaul. "Mighty Waters And Fiery Love". Ascentofsafed.Com. Accessed 7 May 2021. http://ascentofsafed.com/cgi-bin/ascent.cgi?Name=waters. 13. Sienna, Noam. A Rainbow Thread. 1st ed. Philladelphia: Print-O-Craft Press, 2019. 14. Newman, Rena Yehuda. "Butchfag: More Reflections On Queer Shame". Gumroad, 2020. https://gumroad.com/renayehuda#tunhcP. 15. Strassfeld, Max K., and Andrew Ramer. "A Pre-Surgery (Or Any Other Transition) Mikveh* Ritual". Transtorah.Org, 2009. http://www.transtorah.org/PDFs/Mikveh_Ritual.pdf. 16, 18. Schlosberg, Val. "Blessings For The In-Between". Voiceworks 109 (2017): 51-57. https://search.informit.org/doi/10.3316/INFORMIT.257202293283655. 17. Zhou, Naaman. "‘We Deserve The Dignity Of Being Known’: Teddy Cook’s Transgender Speech To NSW Parliament Praised". The Guardian, 2021. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/apr/23/we-deserve-the-dignity-of-being-known-teddy-cooks-transgender-speech-to-nsw-parliament-praised. 19. Ullman, Yirmiyahu. "Communicating With The Dead". Ohr Somayach, 2016. https://ohr.edu/explore_judaism/ask_the_rabbi/ask_the_rabbi/7120. 20. Sullivan, Louis Graydon, Ellis Martin, Zach Ozma, and Susan Stryker. We Both Laughed In Pleasure: The Selected Diaries Of Lou Sullivan. 1st ed. New York: Nightboat Books, 2019. 21. Jarboe, Julian K. Twitter, 2018. https://twitter.com/juliankjarboe/status/952536916590776320?s=21. 22. Jarboe, Julian K. Everyone On The Moon Is Essential Personnel. 1st ed. Lethe Press, 2020. 23. Berger, Micha. "Divine Timelessness II, Hebrew Tenses". Aspaqlaria, 2005. https://www.aishdas.org/asp/divine-timelessness-ii-hebrew-tenses. 24. Heschel, Abraham Joshua. "Shabbat As A Sanctuary In Time". My Jewish Learning. Accessed 6 May 2021. https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/shabbat-as-a-sanctuary-in-time/. 25. Bergmann, Claudia D, and Benedikt Kranemann. Ritual Dynamics In Jewish And Christian Contexts. BRILL, 2019. 26. Nulman, Macy. The Encyclopedia Of Jewish Prayer: The Ashkenazic And Sephardic Rites. 1st ed. Jason Aaronson Inc., 1996. 27. "Song Of Songs 3:7-8". Sefaria.Org. Accessed 6 May 2021. https://www.sefaria.org/Song_of_Songs.3.7-8?lang=bi. 28. Kosman, Admiel, and Martin S. Cohen. Accessed 6 May 2021. http://www.newparadigmmatrix.com/mesorahmatrix/birkat-kohanim/the-intense-and-splendiferous-light-of-the-shekhinah-as-reflected-in-the-ancient-priestly-blessing/. 29. "Numbers 6:27". Sefaria.Org. Accessed 7 May 2021. https://www.sefaria.org/Numbers.6.27?lang=bi&aliyot=0. 30. Landman Wermuth, Yael. "Smoak, The Priestly Blessing In Inscription And Scripture". ANCIENT JEW REVIEW, 2016. https://www.ancientjewreview.com/articles/2016/4/4/smoak-the-priestly-blessing-in-inscription-and-scripture. 31. "Exodus 28:15-21". Sefaria.Org. Accessed 6 May 2021. https://www.sefaria.org/Exodus.28.15-21?lang=bi&aliyot=0. 32. Altein, Yehuda. "The High Priest’s Breastplate (Choshen)". Chabad. Accessed 6 May 2021. https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/3960528/jewish/The-High-Priests-Breastplate-Choshen.htm. 33. Coen, Joel, and Ethan Coen. "A Serious Man - Goy's Teeth". Youtube.Com, 2017. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80Kq75MY4mo. 34. Coen, Joel, and Ethan Coen. A Serious Man. Film. StudioCanal, 2009. 35. Ezra, Ibn. "Exodus 28:9". Sefaria.Org, 2021. https://www.sefaria.org/Exodus.28.9?lang=bi&with=Ibn%20Ezra&lang2=en. 36. Levy, Sophie, and Mika Benesh. "Weaving Futures: A Conversation With Mika Benesh". زمان ZAMAN זמן, 2021. https://www.zamancollective.com/all-posts/weavingfuturesmika.

(enchant:?page,(background:(gradient: 0, 0,#5f609e ,0.5092,#ffbf54,1,#abab59))) <style> img { max-width:100%; height:auto; } </style> <img src="https://winkatme.neocities.org/TRANS%20AMULET.gif" width="500" height="500" alt="rotating trans amulet"> (align:"==>")+(box:"==XXXXX===")[ ברוך את אדני אלהינו מלך העולם מאבירה העברים] BRUCHAH AT ADONAI ELOHEINU MELECH HA'OLAM MA'AVIRAH HA'OVRIM BLESSED ARE YOU, ETERNAL ONE OUR GOD, SOVEREIGN OF THE UNIVERSE, THE TRANSFORMING ONE TO THOSE WHO CROSS OVER (align:"==>")+(box:"==XXXXX===")[ברוך אתה אדני אלהינו רוח העולם אשר יצר את האדם וחוה בחכמה] BARUCH ATAH ADONAI ELOHEINU RUACH HA'OLAM ASHER YATZAR ET HA'ADAM V'CHAVAH B'CHOCHMAH BLESSED ARE YOU, ETERNAL ONE OUR GOD, SOVEREIGN OF THE UNIVERSE, WHO FORMED HUMAN BEINGS WITH WISDOM (text-colour:black)[ [[FIN.]] ] (text-colour:black)[[[i|start]] [[1|KETER / crown]] [[2|HOKHMAH / wisdom]] [[3|BINAH / understanding]] [[4|gematric kabbalah]] [[5|CHESED / lovingkindness]] [[6|DIN / justice]] [[7|TIFERET / beauty]] [[8|NETZACH / eternity]] [[9|HOD / glory]] [[10|YESOD / foundation]] [[11|SHEKHINA / dwelling]]] ii (text-colour:black)[[[iii|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]] [[iv|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]] [[v|FIN.]] [[vi]] ]

(enchant:?page,(background:(gradient: 0, 0.0096,#32298c,0.6584,#da999b,1,#e8ee78))) <style> img { max-width:100%; height:auto; } </style> <img src="https://winkatme.neocities.org/GAY%20LOVE%20AMULET.gif" width="500" height="500" alt="rotating gay love amulet">(align:"==>")+(box:"==XXXXX===")[מים רבים לא יוכלו לכבות את האהבה ונהרות לא ישטפוה] MAYIM RABIM LO YOCHLU LECHABOT ET HA'AHAVAH V'NAHAROT LO YISHTEPHUAH MANY WATERS CANNOT QUENCH LOVE AND RIVERS CANNOT WASH IT AWAY (align:"==>")+(box:"==XXXXX===")[כאיל תעדוג על אפיקי מים כן נפשו תערוג אליך ויבא אליו מהרה קל יבא אמן אמן סלה] K'EYAL TA'AROG AL AFIKEY MAYIM KEN NEFESHO TA'AROG ELECHAH V'YAVO ELAV MEHERAH KAL YAVO AMEN AMEN SELAH AS THE DEER PANTS FOR STREAMS OF WATER, SO HIS SOUL PANTS FOR YOU, AND HE SHALL COME TO HIM SWIFTLY AND SPEEDILY AMEN AMEN SELAH (text-colour:black)[ [[FIN.]] [[i|start]] [[1|KETER / crown]] [[2|HOKHMAH / wisdom]] [[3|BINAH / understanding]] [[4|gematric kabbalah]] [[5|CHESED / lovingkindness]] [[6|DIN / justice]] [[7|TIFERET / beauty]] [[8|NETZACH / eternity]] [[9|HOD / glory]] [[10|YESOD / foundation]] [[11|SHEKHINA / dwelling]] [[ii|AMULET 1 - TRANS]]] iii (text-colour:black)[[[iv|AMULET 3 - TIME TRAVEL]] [[v|FIN.]] [[vi]] ]

(enchant:?page,(background:(gradient: 0, 0.0096,#5fa798,0.306,#9684ae,0.6418,(hsl:1,0.8238,0.3784,0.85),1,#f1fc83))) <style> img { max-width:100%; height:auto; } </style> <img src="https://winkatme.neocities.org/TIME%20TRAVEL%20AMULET.gif" width="500" height="500" alt="rotating time travel amulet"> (align:"==>")+(box:"==XXXXX===")[ברוך את אדני אלהינו רוח העולם שעשה נסים לאבותינו בימים ההם ובזמן הזה] BARUCH ATAH ADONAI, ELOHEINU MELECH HA'OLAM, SHE ASAH NISIM LA'AVOTEINU BAYAMIM HA'EM U'BA'ZMAN HAZEH. BLESSED ARE YOU, ADONAI OUR GOD, RULER OF THE UNIVERSE, WHO PERFORMED MIRACLES FOR OUR ANCESTORS IN THOSE DAYS AND AT THIS TIME (align:"==>")+(box:"==XXXXX===")[יברכך אדני וישמרך יאר אדני פניו אליך ויחנך ישא אדני פניו אליך וישם לך שלום] YEVARECHA ADONAI YE'ISHMAREKHA YA'IR ADONAI PANAV AYLEKHA V'KHOONEKA YEESA ADONAI PANAV AYLEKHA V'YASAYM LECHA SHALOM MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU MAY GOD SHINE GOD'S FACE UPON YOU AND BE GRACIOUS TO YOU MAY GOD LIFT UP GOD'S FACE UPON YOU AND GRANT YOU PEACE (text-colour:black)[ [[FIN.]] [[i|start]] [[1|KETER / crown]] [[2|HOKHMAH / wisdom]] [[3|BINAH / understanding]] [[4|gematric kabbalah]] [[5|CHESED / lovingkindness]] [[6|DIN / justice]] [[7|TIFERET / beauty]] [[8|NETZACH / eternity]] [[9|HOD / glory]] [[10|YESOD / foundation]] [[11|SHEKHINA / dwelling]] [[ii|AMULET 1 - TRANS]] [[iii|AMULET 2 - GAY LOVE]]] iv (text-colour:black)[[[v|FIN.]] [[vi]] ]

(enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(background:#ece5d1)) //wink at me// was made using twine 2. the branching narrative structure corresponds to the ten sefirot, with each page meditating on its corresponding sefirah in the tree. <style> img { max-width:100%; height:auto; } </style> <img src="https://winkatme.neocities.org/Screen%20Shot%202021-05-07%20at%2010.09.20%20am.png" width="200" height="680" alt="brancing structure in twine"> <img src="https://winkatme.neocities.org/sefirot%20tree.svg" width="200" height="680" alt="tree of life"> there are 900 lines of html code in the piece, corresponding with the gematria of the letter ץ there are 18 hyperlinked words / phrases in the piece. (text-colour:#6740dd)[[[look, chai!!|vi]]] there are 36 citations in the piece, also a multiple of 18.

(enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(background:#ece5d1)) ehveh dew power 7 //prove it// drifting off . . . waiting upper waters consuming darkness searching truth, impatient pillar pillar shekhina jolt waters all